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The Original P Pants

Size Chart
X Crab Grab Mitten Girth Chart

These are perhaps the worlds greatest pre & apres shred pants.

To those of you unfamiliar with P Pants™, these may seem like a pretty random thing for Crab Grab to sell.  You see, before we started making traction, we dabbled in sweatpants.  For the past 5 summers we've made P-Pants™ in small batches for use on Mt. Hood, and now we're gearing up to take them to the world.  These are classic grey sweatpants with a specialized print (right where it counts) that creates a timeless: "I just pissed myself look".



1. You get all of the benefits of peeing your pants, without the annoying after rash.

2. Wearing normal sweat pants says, “I gave up”.  P Pants say, “I gave up -- then I pissed myself”.

3. They draw attention to your crotch.

4. Probably the best $30 gift to get anyone with a sense of humor.

5. They're the greatest/most comfortable road trip/pajama/semi formal wear pants on Earth.

6. Nothing is funnier than senior citizens wearing these. (Literally nothing)

7. Guaranteed you get your own seat on: airplanes, buses, etc.

8.  Amazing conversation starter (or finisher).

9. At the gym you look like you’re really given ‘er hell.

10. They’re #@$%ing awesome.


Fantastic Features

1. Pockets: right and left (perfect size for human hands).

2. Elastic Waist: expands as you do.

3. Fake Wet Spot: Looks wet.  Feels dry. 

4. P Pants Logo: The mark of excellence in fake pee.



First off, any size sweatpants can fit any sizy person.  The only difference is whether they’re skin tight, classic fit, or crazy baggy.  
But please, do yourself a favor and go with a classic fit. You don’t want to look ridiculous in these things.

P Pants are currently only available in:




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